"Postpartum" - Episode 12 - Season 2 - The Handmaid's Tale

"Postpartum" should be renamed to "The Episode Before The Season Finale." While a lot seemed to have happened, it was also kind of boring. Definitely not my fav, but still some good stuff for Handmaid's Tale fans to digest. 

First thing's first. RIP Eden. She's at that big Old Navy in the sky. Hopefully, she is hanging out with other kids, smoking pot and being a teenager. Who are we kidding? That poor brainwashed child is in heaven, reading the bible and still wearing FLDS jumpers. I'll drink some wine in her honor.

Eden - The Handmaid's Tale

Onto the show!

We open with an overjoyed Serena Joy and she's obsessing over her stolen child. Meanwhile, over at the Red Center, things aren't as peachy. They've got Old Bessie hooked up to her machine, double pumping breast milk to feed baby Holly, aka Nichole, aka NICKole. Get it? Take that, Fred!

Aunt Lydia is back to her old vagina obsessed ways and immediately inquires with Offred on how her lady parts are doing since giving birth. All is right with the world again!  We've gone three whole episodes without a Lydia/Offred's vagina scene, so thank the old Gods and the new that our Labia Lydia is back! 

According to Big Lyd, it's been a few weeks since Offred went out for a "drive" and had to give birth all alone at a house in the woods.  Haha. I love the bullshit stories Gilead comes up with. Truth doesn't matter to authoritarian regimes.  

Aunt Minerva informs Aunt Lydia that Offred's milk is drying up. Offred reminds Lyd that she swore to protect the baby. Captain Vagina quickly changes the subject and tells Offred the good news that her baby makin' skills are now in high demand. So much so, that people are trying to bribe Aunt Lydia with muffins. Bran muffins are sooooo delicious, said no one ever. 

Fuck bran muffins - The Handmaid's Tale

The Commander is movin' on up...but not to the East Side. Instead, he's moved into a swanky new office for his swanky new Gilead media job. So, Fox News then? Got it. 

Nick is alive and without much explanation, Fred talks about how the Guardians that kidnapped him had a big misunderstanding. Fred thanks him for his discretion about the incident and then directs his errand boy to hang up a Waterford family portrait. Ah, hey pool boy! Hang up this picture of me, your baby and my wife, will ya?  

Meanwhile, that stolen baby is being fawned over by our ill-fated Eden. Serena tells Eden she'll get to have one of her own someday...or not. Rita comes in and informs Serena that the breast milk supply is running low. She then gives Serena a 7th-grade health class lesson on how milk is made and where babies ACTUALLY come from. Serena's like, "I KNOW." Do you though...do you?

Offreds milk is in! Handmaid's Tale

Next, we see Aunt Lydia bringing Offred to a church to meet Fred and Nick and....wait for it...the baby!  Instantly, Offred's breasts spring forth milk like two Old Faithfuls.  Fred's like, ok, I think we got what we needed, let's go!

After Fred ogles Offred's milk stains, he starts packing up to head out. Aunt Lydia tries to convince Fred to consider what's best for the baby. She convinces him to take Offred back into the Waterford home. 

No shocker, Serena is fucking pissed when Fred gets home and breaks the news of Offred's return. Serena yells and stomps, but ultimately, she knows she's not getting her way and every woman in the audience yells, "you did this to yourself!" 

Best line of the night is delivered here by Fred. After Serena finally realizes that she won't be getting her way, she tells Fred that Offred has to pump in her room and stay away from the baby. As Fred is walking away he quips, "Mother knows best." Oh snap!

Aunt Lydia and Emily are arriving at the house of Commander Lawrence, Emily's new posting. As they walk up the steps, Big Lyd tells Emily that the Commander is very important and is the architect of Gilead's economy. Emily delivered the second best line of the night when she replied, I'm "wondering why such an important, brilliant man would take in such a shitty handmaid?" 

Is it just me, or does it seem like the rules of Gilead have become a little lax? That was my thought after seeing Emily and Offred being so cheeky with Aunt Lydia this episode. Thennnnnn the Eden pool scene happened and I was like, ok, I guess the rules aren't really all that lax. Aunt Lydia has definitely softened though. Emily saying her shitty handmaid line would have gotten her cattle prodded or her eye plucked out last season. Lydia's been a little less evil (but still fucking evil) ever since the Rachel and Leah Center explosion. 

As the one-eyed sassy Martha lets Lydia and Emily into the house, we immediately get the sense that this Commander is not like other Commanders.  The house is cluttered and full of random crap. Bradley Whitford storms down the stairs and greets his new handmaid. Lawrence strolls over to the front door, opens it, and without telling Aunt Lydia to get the fuck out, he basically says get the fuck out. 

Lyd is like, ahhhh, is your wife here to meet Emily? Commander Lawrence tells Lydia that she's sick, and while holding open the door says, "We're good here." Lydia was totally hesitant to leave, but did so anyway, because what can she do? Honestly though, what are the extent of Lydia's powers in the Gilead hierarchy? She seems to be king shit of turd lady island, but I doubt she would outrank any male member of Gilead. 

Aunt Lydia obsessed with vagina - Handmaid's Tale

Commander Lawrence and the Martha go back and forth when he yells at her to not touch his stuff. She yells back that his stuff is in the way. He calmly asks if she wants a beating. Emily, much like the audience is like, what the hell kind of place is this?  

Emily wanders into a living area that is stuffed with knick-knacks and books. One of the books is open and she peers in and takes a look. Lawerence sees her looking and asks if she knows the punishment for reading. She says a finger. He then says, "it used to be a hand, back in the good old days. Oh girl. RUNNNNNNNNNNNN!

When Emily is up in her room, Mrs. Lawrence busts in and says some unhinged comments about Joesph doing something terrible. He came up with the whole idea, The Colonies. I told him that real people are digging up that dirt and its poison! Just as she was really getting wound up, Commander Lawrence comes in and drags his wife back to her room. He then commands Emily to meet him downstairs. 

At a table, Lawrence pours two glasses of beer and slides one over to Emily. She asks if his wife is ok and he tells Emily that life didn't turn out how she had planned. He says she was an art professor. Interesttttinngg

Here comes the skeevy part. Lawrence lets Emily know that he is aware of her entire history. Where she's from, who she was married to, the crimes that got her sent to the Colonies. He asks her if she properly healed down there, in reference to her clit being removed. At this point, my skin is starting to crawl. Who is this creepy asshole??

To the Waterfords! Offred is dropping off a couple of bottles of fresh breast milk to the kitchen when she runs into Eden. Offred offers the poor girl some REALLY bad advice. After talking about love and babies, Offred tells the naive girl to find love wherever she can find it. Doh!

The next morning, Nick asks Rita and Offred if they've seen Eden. They haven't and then Nick and Offred have a moment where they fantasize about running off to Maui. I get it. I live on Oahu and I frequently fantasize about running away to Maui. It's much less crowded there and the snorkeling is 10 outta 10. Better shaved ice too. 

Their love connection is interrupted by Cock Block Fred. That was his nickname in college, guaranteed. He's all like, has anyone seen Isaac? He didn't report for duty this morning. Ah ohhh. Nick knows instantly what's happening and says, we've got a situation. A situation? Yeah, you could call it that. Or you could call it, you've been a cold prick for the past few months and now your child that you're in charge of has run away with another child to have an affair. 

Fred is bitching to Serena about how ungrateful Eden is. How he gave her an opportunity to elevate herself using the Waterford name and now she's being all selfish and slutty. Serena is up to her eyeballs in fussy baby, so she doesn't have any time for Fred's shit. 

After Fred leaves, Serena tries everything to calm baby Holly down. Nothing seems to be working, so she does a completely not crazy, not coo coo, totally normal thing and tries to breastfeed the baby.  Girl, that baby doesn't want anything to do with your dry as a desert, milkless boobs, so git. I think Serena skeeved herself out and quit pretty quickly. 

Serena's boobs are dry as the desert - The Handmaids Tale

Down in the kitchen, Offred and Fred have an awful meetup. Fred asks Offred where she was hiding in the lake house when him and Serena were there looking for her. She tells Fred she was in the attic but that her heartbeat was too loud to hear their fight. He wants to meet again, so they arrange a Scrabble date, and Offred has to do everything in her power not to just throw up in Fred's face. She's having a difficult time holding in her disgust with him. 

The next day the gang has to head over to the local YMCA where there will be a family fun event. Oh wait, I meant a repent or drown in the pool event. I get them mixed up all the time. Also FYI, open swim will be closed for the remainder of the day. The staff has to clean the pool...

Nick tries to convince Eden to repent, but that girl is 15 and 15-year-olds are hard headed and ill-informed.  They march Eden and Issac to the top of a diving platform, strap their legs with kettle balls and ask them to repent. They don't and both are pushed off into their watery grave. 

The entire crowd, including Eden's mother, are all shocked and horrified at the scene that unfolds. It's one thing to kill gender traitors or "terrorists" but it's quite another to kill a child of Gilead.

That night, Offred tries to comfort Nick and he walks away. Offred then tries to comfort Serena and she offers to let the ACTUAL mother hold the baby. Offred nurses baby Holly and "Postpartum" comes to an end. 

I've said it once and I'll say it again, I don't want any more redemption arcs for Serena. She needs to rot in a prison for the rest of her days. 

One episode left, yall. How will they put a bow onto season 2? I can't wait to talk with the ladies on Sunday when we record our podcast. Stay tuned and as always...

...Blessed be, bitches.